Someday when my daughter is old enough to
understand the logic that motivates a parent,
I will tell her, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough to ask where you were going,
with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover
that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for
two hours while you cleaned your room,
a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger,
disappointment, and tears in my eyes.
Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the
responsibility for your actions even when the
penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough to say
NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of will.
I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your child is old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.
Was your Mom mean?
I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world!
While other kids ate candy for breakfast,
we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch,
we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mom insisted on knowing where we were at all times.
You'd think we were convicts in a prison.
She had to know who our friends were
and what we were doing with them.
She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour,
we would be gone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it,
but she had the nerve to break
the Child Labor Laws by making us work.
We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,
learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry,
empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs.
I think she would lie awake at night
thinking of more things for us to do.
She always insisted on us telling the truth,
the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
By the time we were teenagers,
she could read our minds
and had eyes in the back of her head.
Then, life was really tough!
Mom wouldn't let our friends just honk
the horn when they drove up
They had to come up to the door
so she could meet them.
While everyone else could date
when they were 12 or 13,
we had to wait until we were 16 or 17.
Because of our mom we missed out
on lots of things other kids experienced.
None of us have ever
been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.
Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults.
We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!