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Working Mom who's a little overwhelmed

I'm 33, with a soon-to-be two year old, husband of 11 years and have a high-level, extremely demanding management job in a law firm.  With so much going on every single day, I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed.  I worked so hard to be successful in my career but now, in trying to raise my daughter, balancing everything is becoming so very challenging.  I can't stop now because there's no turning back in my responsibilities but feel like I don't have what it takes to keep up. More than anything, I just need a place to vent.  I can't complain to my co-workers because I can't seem "weak", everyone reports to me and if I look distracted or overwhelmed chaos ensues.  I can't complain to my husband too much because he doesn't cope well when I'm stressed and he really just makes it worse.  I don't have any friends older than me who've "been there done that" to offer me reassurance or guidance.  I guess, I generally need to vent and hear stories from others going through these stresses so I don't feel so alone.  Thanks for listening.

See also: stress, overwhelmed, guidance
Posted by Tanya on 09/15/2010 10:30 AM

 

Tanya, you are definitely not alone!  I also am in a very demanding professional career and I have two kids.  It is so hard to juggle it all; Motherhood, my career, relationships with friends, time with my husband.  Sometimes I feel like I am just hanging on by a thread.  I thought I was doing ok, until yesterday something set me off at work and I totally broke down.  I also don't have a lot of people to vent to.  My co-workers do not have kids and my other "Mommy" friends are stay at home Moms.  I just have a difficult time relating to them sometimes (and vice versa).  All I can say is that you do have what it takes to make it all happen.  Just the fact that you work and are raising a family means you are a hero to me!  I don't think people totally understand what it takes to work full time and have a family.  It takes a very strong person to manage both.  Working Moms are superwomen!! We have to remember that.  I don't have any words of wisdom because I am struggling right along with you, but I hope you are comforted in the fact that you are not alone.

From one stressed out Mom to another...

-Stephanie

posted by Stephanie on 09/16/2010 02:55 AM

Wow Stephanie, thank you so much for your words.  It does help just to hear that we're in the same boat struggling to make it all work.  Thank you for your support.  I try to keep in mind, every day, my many blessings. 

Last night I had a moment where I was all in "keep everything in order mode" and found myself reprimanding my daughter for a variety of silly things within the first 5 minutes I walked in the door.  I just stopped myself and thought, really? - she doesn't deserve this from you.  The last thing I want is for her to feel like I'm treating her like a burden instead of a gift which she is to us.  Disciplining is also a challenge when you're with them for such short periods of time but I know it has to be done.  I just have to work on doing it in the most loving way possible.  Thanks for listening.

posted by Tanya on 09/16/2010 10:40 AM

Tanya, '

Your insight on disciplining hit home for me.... My daughter is 5, my son is 3. I work full time and I am also going to school to be a nurse, I know how you feel on not being able to crack even though you want to just throw in the towel sometimes. I don't even have time for friends, and rarely see my husband as he works full time also (not that i think he would help the situation)...I am only 25 and most 25 years old people are worried about what they are going to wear this weekend and I am wondering when i will fit time in for a shower and have a decent 25 minutes with my kids were i am not yelling about like you said everything being in order. When i have a few minutes to myself and the house is still after i get everyone in bed i sit and think about how i should spend the small amount of time i have with my kids laughing and playing but with all the stress its hard....

Thank you for posting this our situations have similar feelings to me and it helps to read that even superwomen have hard times...

posted by Erica on 09/20/2010 12:54 PM

Im a 24 yr old working mom I am married and I am having a very hard time juggling work, marriage and my son 9 months old. I just joined this site looking for people like you in the same situation. I'm a first time mom and this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. I feel like a failure. I'm always cranky, my husband thinks I don't love him. I never have enough time with my baby and housework.. .well lets put it this way the laundry from wednesday still in dryer. I'm looking for a way to better to manage my life and when I read your post I know I'm not alone. I can't talk to my husband either because I feel it's not good for our marriage.I feel like a bad wife and mother. I want to quit my job and stay home but thats not an option.

posted by Amanda on 01/07/2012 09:14 AM

So glad I found this site. I am a new mommy and in few weeks will be going back to work. My mom is going to care for my daughter for the first year but I am devastated to leave her. Even though i know shw is in great hands! I have always been very career minded and am having a hard time figuring out how I will do it all! Staying home is not an tipn financially for me. I will take any advice or thought you all have!
posted by Amy on 03/01/2012 04:12 PM

It's been a while since I've touched base here.  I now have two children and trying to balance that between home, work, marriage.  I'm better at it but learning every day.

Amy, being a first time mom is really hard.  I remember missing my first daughter terribly the entire first year.  Honestly, I miss her every day but it does get easier.  I did do some things that helped minimize the draw backs of working outside of the home.  I setup a webcam in my office and skyped with her and her caretaker.  Eventually, I upgraded both of us to iPhones and used Facetime to video chat.  When I couldn't video chat, I would call and talk to her over the phone just so she could hear my voice and I could hear her coos.  Honestly, I wanted to make sure she remembered and missed me.  My biggest fear was her not feeling connected to me and being more connected to her caretaker.  I can assure you, now that my daughter is almost 4 and having a 6 month old, that that hasn't happened.  If you're loving and attentive when you're with her, however brief that time is, it's all she needs to bond with you.

Also, I found it helpful to explain to her caretakers that I'll call a few times during the day just to connect with her.  Sometimes they feel like I'm checking up on them (although, sometimes I am; can't help it) so clarifying this up front is helpful.  And note, that all of my caretakers until recently have been family members (brother, sister, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, daddy).  Likewise, there were days where I couldn't stop to call or anything because I was simply too busy at work.  It happens.

Hope this is helpful.  Good luck and hang in there!

posted by Tanya on 04/18/2012 11:58 AM

hi, you guys will make it through.. sometimes i think the younger years were, in hindsight, actually the easy ones... the older the kids get the more they want to do on their own (with a parent in the bleachers, of course) and the more things cost!  i am 42, and have older kids than most of you guys, mine are 8, 10 and 15.. and they are just as stressful than ever!   Heres to us all making it out in one peice!!

 

posted by Shel on 06/21/2012 04:56 PM

 
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