Hello all, my name is Kyleen and I am the mother of a two year old boy named Allen and wife of Bob, I often think about the fact that I have lost myself being a full time working mom/wife. I feel that if things have to be cut in my schedule it is things that are directly related to me and to my interests. It is so hard to balance ev erything and I am happy to see that I am not alone.
Being the mother of 4 I can definitely relate. Remember that our ability to give our children the best relies on what we have to draw from within. Indulge yourself in small pleasures(long hot baths,reading a small portion of an enjoyable book, an eyebrow arch or manicure to make your feel beautiful). We tend to set the standard for our children and we must also let them know that you must love yourself and give to yourself in order to give to others. Be encouraged, you are definitely not alone. I had to learn the hard way and I hope others will not.
Kyleen,
Nice to meet you! Yes, this is what I have seen to be true...we tend to continually let ourselves down before we will let anyone else down...why do you think that is so? Is that what our mothers taught us? OR is it more of a societal expectation?
Jennifer, I think that in my case the feeling of having to hold both my job and my home togeather at all costs came from being raised (practically most of my formative childhood years) by my grandparents. My grandma had 5 children, and at a certain point in my childhood 4 children and two grandchildren, under one roof. My grandfather ruled the roost and my grandma made sure that everything ran smoothly at home. She did work periodically but because my granfather was the main breadwinner she still was required to keep the house going. this is how I have structured my marriage as well, I see that now, I have worked most of the 6 years that my husband and I have been togeather but since my husband makes the most then I am required to keep the house running. This expectation is one that I put into place early in the relationship when dinner at 7 was no big deal or pizza three times a week was ok but now that I am a mom these expectations are hard to break, not only for myslef but for my husband as well. balancing home,work and a child is not as easy as it was when it was just work and my husband.
Kyleen,
I see, then it is our own thinking that gets us into these rough places. I feel that I hold high expectations for myself as well. When I was working I thought I could do it all, but realized soon that I was unbalanced and this had a negative affect on me and my relationships with my family. It takes time to adjust to a our transitions in life, I hope that you will let your husband know what your needs are (whatever they may be) and that he will support you in more fully...because to me, it really doesn't matter if he makes more money than you. To me its more about finding enjoyment in life, and if you are like I was, I was so overworked and scattered between work and home and children and husband's needs that I could not find any enjoyment for me...and that just is not living. Well, that is just my opinion, what do you think?
I completely agree, I mean I waited until I was 26 to have my son and I did that partially because I wanted to be able to enjoy being a mom, now that my son is getting to that stage where he is enjoying painting coloring reading and playing I want to be able to enjoy it with him but my mind is always focused on all of the things that need to get done and I feel like I am scheduling him into that as well, Like "ok we can paint for 10 min" and during that 10 minutes I am focused on the mess he will make that I will need to clean up and then where we need to go after that. I just want to be able to enjoy that time with him. I have tried to broach the subject with my husband and we are still trying to work on a compramise that fits us both. I am keeping my fingers crossed.....Meanwhile I have to work on letting go of some of the control issues that I have....
Yes, I know exactly what you are talking about! I have told my children no to painting many times...now I have to just listen to what they are telling me that they need! I truely think that they are reminding us what is important in life: enjoy the now because we don't know what could happen tomorrow! Children are sooo in the moment...I try my hardest to get back to that place...but like you said my mind takes my focus from what is going on right in front of me! Then later I regret missing the time we could have spent (really Being) together! It is good that you can see what is going on though as far as your distractive thoughts...some people don't even have a clue!
